I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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