I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
