I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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