Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
