I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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