taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
The Olympian is in my bed
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
