she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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