remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Too much gin, very little bucket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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