Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I want a musical about memes.
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