omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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