WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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