Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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