he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
