my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
