Why are handjobs necessary in class?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Randomize
