ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
