I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
