Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
