i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
