My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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