for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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