My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
you traded sex for a burrito?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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