i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
