was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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