no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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