tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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