i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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