oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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