I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
