if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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