What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
