dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
splinters make it hard to masturbate
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
