fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
