im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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