Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
