We named our party play list daddy issues
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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