there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
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I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
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I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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