break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Randomize
