Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Randomize
