i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
