Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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