They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
