what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
