im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
