Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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