U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
