Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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