every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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