So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
