Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
