She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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