Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Randomize
