My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
