when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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