maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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