Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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