do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
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