I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
