We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
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Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize