I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
