I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
