your thong is hanging out like whoa
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
