I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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