I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
