I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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