Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
