Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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