two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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