Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
