saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
oh god the rape fog is back!
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
