When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i will never coherently bang her
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
