Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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